A Promise To My Children

Bailey and  Noah, my truly beautiful angels. You drive me completely insane most of the time, for very different reasons! Yet when I look at you both I know deep in my heart that despite all my many faults and issues, I got 2 things in my life completely right. I could not be more proud of the both of you and I feel so lucky every single day. Yep, even when I have turned into a screaming banshee and look like my head is going to explode.

Bailey, you are my quiet, thoughtful brainbox who unfortunately has her mothers temper and moods, sorry babes! You can be the sweetest girl this world has ever seen and you are truly beautiful. You try your best at everything you do, you work hard and have such an amazing imagination, especially now you have steered away from the songs about dead people walking up hills. That was a rather interesting stage of parenthood I must admit lol. I cant quite believe that it is only 6 month away until you are a fully fledged teenager! Watching you grow from a stunning little Maggie Simpson into such a lush young lady makes my heart explode with love. I know you will always be a Daddy’s girl, as long as you know how much I love you.

I am sorry I have had issues being close to you over the years. I know I don’t give out hugs willy nilly and can seem hard to approach sometimes. This has never ever been about you I swear, they are my issues and when you are older I will explain to you how I felt and a bit of why I am the way I am. I know you read these blogs occasionally (please do not copy my foul language! Be a lady!) so maybe you already have a slight understanding. For you to have turned out so amazingly with what you have had to deal with in your life so far, well it is a complete testament to what a strong, savyy, headstrong lass you are. You take things on the chin, you see things and form your own opinion and god help anyone who tries to change that opinion! You always see the bigger picture and you love with all your heart, deep and pure. You may have got my competitive streak, x10, but one thing you also got was never ending patience. You are just my perfect girl and I love you with every inch of my being, forever and always.

Noah, you are my crazy, hyper, chatty Wreck It Ralph. From the minute you open your eyes I swear you do not stop! Your passion for life, your interest in everything around you, your ability to be insane when the world is so serious, it is refreshing and  impossible not to get caught up in your infectious behaviour. Alongside this you are always a complete and utter sweetheart. You give the biggest sloppy kisses, the tightest cuddles and you make me feel whole. You squeeze together all of Mammy’s broken bits. I am sorry you have had to see me upset sometimes, I know how much it hurts you to see me cry, but please know that you never fail to make me smile and laugh. When you sit on my knee and wipe away my tears I swear my heart breaks.

I cant believe you are about to start school soon! Where has my cheeky little Noahski baby gone? Time really does fly. It seems like yesterday you were taking your first steps along the patio in Turkey. I wont lie, as much as I hate how quick time is going, I cant wait for you to start school! To start your new chapter of life, to watch you grow, learn and develop, and also in the hope that I may start drinking slightly less! lol You definitely keep me on my toes son but you are the sunshine on a rainy day. Those bright blue eyes have me wrapped around your little finger and you bloody know it! Don’t ever change Bot Bot, you are absolutely perfect in every way and I love you with all my heart and soul. You will always be Mammy’s boy.

I promise to you both that I will get through this dark time. I promise that it wont always be a house of wondering what mood Mam is in today. I promise that although I will never be a Mary Poppins type Mam, I will try my hardest to make every day special in some way, no matter how small. I promise to make sure you both know how absolutely amazing you are and how grateful I am that you are mine. I promise fun and laughter and memories. I promise I will get better!

I am sorry you have to see me cry, to see me at my worst, to hear me and your Dad argue. I am sorry for my  crazy moods and my shocking lack of patience as well as my complete lack of interest in things. I will fight every day to turn this round so you can see happy Mam, with a passion for what she does. I want to help you learn and develop and experience new places and adventures. I want to be by your side through every single important event and moment in your life. I want to be honest and open and a house of conversation. We wont always agree, you will hate my decisions sometimes but I swear they will always be in your best interests. I want you both to be able to talk to me about absolutely anything at all. I want you to know that there is nothing in this world that could ever stop me loving you.

I know this journey has been really tough and I thank you so much for never giving up on me. For loving me unconditionally. For allowing me to be your Mam. I promise our future looks bright. Mammy is building an empire and you are going to be so bloody proud of her. One thing though, you will never be as proud of her as she is of you!

Thank you my beautiful babies, for being absolutely perfect.

I love you