I’m still here….

My poor blog. I really tend to neglect it a bit at the moment. I’d like to say that it’s because things are going amazingly but in reality, although there are some amazing things happening, a lot of it has been pretty crap.

OK, hands up, I decided after a mess up at the pharmacy and me spitting my dummy out, I would go cold turkey and stop my anti depressants. I always like to think I know better and blah blah blah, but lets face it, if that was the case I wouldn’t be the “unique” individual I am. I need my medication. There, I said it!

I am not saying I am ashamed of taking them, I have been vocal that I have been on them. I just didn’t want to actually take them. In typical CC style I rushed the whole thing and assumed I felt better when in actual fact I was very far from ok. The thing with the tablets is they work so well when I am taking them, they gave me a false sense of confidence. Well, I learnt the hard way!

I have been back on them over a week now and thankfully my mood seems to be restabilising so normal services shall resume shortly. Or as normal as they get for me anyway. I have managed to complete my nutrition course so all I have to do over the summer is finish my PT qualification and continue trying to grow Red Balloons, which incidentally is going slow but well! For me, that really is a small load and in a way I am wondering if I can cope with 6 weeks of complete wind down. I wonder what else I can add to my load 😉

I know I want to do more public speaking, I want people to see the passion and belief face to face in what I am doing and why. I want people to hear my story and see that I am a typical lass, who has unfortunately suffered over the course of her life but who has managed to (sometimes only just) cling onto life with her tips of her fingers. I want to go into schools and workplaces and spread the word.

It’s only a tiny blog today. I don’t even think I will publish it on social media. I have a lot to say but nothing all at the same time and it’s a weird feeling. I just wanted to do a tiny wave and say, I am still here. I still need this blog, I just don’t know how to approach it at the moment.

I hope if you are reading this, you are in an ok place. If you are not, don’t be afraid to reach out. The first step is always the scariest.

CC xx

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