Although I always try be seem motivated I cant lie, over the last few weeks it has been a massive effort for me to get my head round what I have taken on and what I need to get done in a short space of time. I started to question myself, not like me I know lol, and wondered if my dreams and aspirations were a bit far fetched, especially considering my age. I wondered if what I wanted was possible, if it has a place in society and my community, if I was doing something that had already been done many times before and I just hadn’t done my research and so on and so forth.
I have been scared to engage properly in what I am doing as I was doubting my ability to actually do what I was saying I was going to do. But you know what, I can do it! Yes I am older but that means I have experience. Yes I have lumps and bumps but I am a working, married mother of 2 and yet I have still managed to massively transform how I look and increase my fitness levels ten fold. I run 5km’s for a laugh, that’s my general run distance on a regular day! This shows that anyone can do it and this will be one of my self promotion angles. You don’t need loads of money, you can get the body you are proud of and a healthy lifestyle no matter who you are or what your life involves.
I always felt self conscious working out with ripped Personal Trainers who you know have looked like that most of their life so I want to use the reality angle. I want people to feel comfortable with me and themselves. I understand on a realistic level those day to day struggles all too well – no time, no energy, no motivation, no confidence, no money. If all that wasn’t enough I can also engage on a mental level. I can understand people who get stuck in their own heads, I can understand negative emotions and how crippling they can be, I understand mental health issues, from what I suffer with, from what friends who have opened up to me suffer with and from what I am learning from my studies. All these are going to be the pillars of strength when I go forward into the big, wide world. I know patience is something I struggle with, but then again I have never had self belief. I may not be religious but I do have faith. Faith in me, faith in my ideas, faith in what I can help other people achieve. For those days where my faith waivers I have my children, my husband, some of my family and my friends who will fill in those holes and give me a firm but loving push. Luck isn’t winning the lottery, luck is having all of that.
Doing the 10km helped cement in my mind that my fitness levels are great! What has helped with setting my mind back on the wavelength it needed to be was my meeting yesterday. As I have said, my volunteering with Mind Middlesbrough & Stockton has started to open up more opportunities and information than I ever could have hoped for. I have featured on news segments on regional TV, I have now written two blogs for Mind themselves as well as one for a friends business and the 1 in 4 website. I also got mentioned on another Mental Health website due to them seeing my blogs on my Twitter account. I am part of the Anti-Stigma group which has lead me to be involved in the development team of a dvd that will be being made and released through our region to raise awareness of mental health problems. This meeting then lead on to a discussion of what I do and what I want to do which resulted in me attending a Peer Support Networking meeting yesterday.
This meeting has helped things make a bit more sense, I can see the puzzle and the pieces clearly now, I just need to set about putting them all together to create my bigger picture. They didn’t laugh at my ideas, they thought they were good! There is certainly scope for what I want to do. I can see where I need to start, what I need to get in place. I have been given so much information my head is spinning but in a fantastic way. I do need to go through and select what resonates with me but that is a task I am looking forward to. I know I will have the support of Mind, I could make applications for grants! My ideas can and will become a reality! Had you even suggested any of this to me back in January I think I would laughed in your face! I certainly wouldn’t have believed it. Now I feel that fire back in my belly. The embers have kept glowing but now the flames are growing again. I know it will be ALOT of hard work, the next 10 days alone will mostly be spent with my laptop and my head stuck in books. You know what though, I am no longer filled with dread. I know it is my own fault I have so much to do at this stage but I am excited to see how I work under pressure. It has been a very long time since I have had positive pressure on me. Pressure which will kick my arse and force me to get my head back where it needs to be to get the results I know I am more than capable of getting. Nothing worth having ever comes easy and that is fine with me. Easy is boring, easy is existing. I want to live!
I have my business name in mind, I have a vague idea of the foundations, all that is left for me to do is, crack on! I have done a basic survey that I hope as many people as possible will fill in. I wont publish the results, it is just for my own personal research so I can create a product that is needed and will work. I love writing my blogs as it clears up my mind and I can then focus my very ditzy brain in one place, at least for a while. So for now, I shall sign off, feeling positive, determined, motivated and……happy!